weddingsv make me drug and hornr
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I miss vodka workout Fridays
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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