I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
All the doctor said was why
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
