Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
