i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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