Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
