The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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