he shaved USA in his pubs
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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