You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
