I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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