I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
