just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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