Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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