Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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