I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
