Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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