I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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