"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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