i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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