I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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