Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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