We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
