oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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