If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
