yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
