please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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