I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
