she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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