he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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