Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
