Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
