If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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