he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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