If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize