hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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