Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
