i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
