Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
