I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
