threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
