my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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