Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
