We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
