i just google imaged poop.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
