so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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