Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
