It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
