you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
