11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
