I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
