..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
