I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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