Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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