I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
