Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
