Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That accounts for only three of the penises
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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