Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
