Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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