Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
