Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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