well I can't set my house on fire every night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
