last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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