too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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