Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
