just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
