If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
