Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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