Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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