Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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