Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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