The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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